Heavenly Father Loves Me

I have no comprehension of Heavenly Father’s love except that He loves me. Later in my military career, I started going back to church. It was during a time in my life when I was isolated, alone and never felt more lost. All confidence that I had in myself had been stripped away. All I knew for certain was that I felt better when I went to sacrament meeting, than when I didn’t go to church, even though I didn’t partake of the sacrament. This was what I had to hold onto for my week to be better, I had to go to church for that one hour. And so, it became an experiment. When I wasn’t feeling it, I would stay home, and I would watch how my week went. I became miserable to say the least. If I didn’t go for another week, I would stay in that same sad state. When I did go, I felt a change in myself, a little change, but enough to notice. To say the least, I was less miserable.

There was one day when I went to church, it was like any other day, the Stake President was presiding. I usually tried to come in right when Sacrament Meeting was to begin, so I wouldn’t be asked to do anything. And even if I was, I would say no. I just wanted that little boost for the week, that is all I could manage. I had arrived a minute or two early when the Stake President, nudged one of the members of the Bishopric. The Stake President looked in my direction while telling the Bishopric member something. I thought that was weird. Then the Bishopric member left his seat and walked directly to me; he asked me if I had time after Sacrament to meet with the Stake President. I thought that was very strange. I tried to maintain a low profile, so stuff like this wouldn’t happen, but I said I would meet with him since I was curious as to what I was going to say no to.

After Sacrament, I met the Stake President in an empty classroom. It took him a minute to gather himself. I was really wondering what it was he wanted to ask me. He then began, and he was somewhat emotional; I wasn’t expecting his reaction. He began to tell me that when he saw me, he had a very powerful impression that he needed to tell me, “Heavenly Father loves you.” I did not know how to respond. The Stake President continued that he was confused why he needed to do this, but he knew he needed to tell me that, so powerful was his impression. I told the Stake President thank you and I went home. I couldn’t comprehend what just had happened. I didn’t get a renewed sense of hope, I did not receive that warm overwhelming feeling. I felt numb like I normally did, but a little less miserable since I went to church and confused at my interaction with the Stake President. However, this interaction was so profound that I have always remembered it.

There are times since then that have become so overwhelming that I have had to reflect back on what the Stake President told me: Heavenly Father loves me. But, this love did not change the outcome with Archer, this love did not change my lack of comprehension of the eternal understanding that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have, this love did not prevent me from making good or bad choices, nor did this love not stop others experiencing and choosing what helped or hurt me. His love is not just for me, it is for all people, and it doesn’t mean that we won’t have trials in our life.

Joseph Smith one of Heavenly Father’s chosen Prophets, to lead the restoration of the church, had many more difficult times than I have ever had in my life. When Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail and the conditions were horrible, he prayed for the persecution to end and for retribution for the ill treatment of the saints. The Lord responded with two very important messages, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high,” and “If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea . . . my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good “ (D&C 121:7-8; 122:5/7). There are many other things that were listed as bad that could happen to a person, but the Lord is telling Joseph that these tribulations are for our benefit. I do not have the eternal perspective to comprehend this. How does suffering, enduring through adversity and afflictions help me eternally? I don’t know. But I do know that Heavenly Father loves me, and He will be there to help me through my trials. He won’t take them away or prevent tragedy from occurring.

That is the most difficult part of all this, having a mortal understanding. Life hurts, people can be mean, there are many people living in tragic circumstances, there is constant evil in this world. Heavenly Father allows all this to happen. But, He loves all of us, and He has an eternal understanding of why this is good for us. I might not understand much, but I do know by a Stake President who was impressed by the Spirit, and his remarkable response that Heavenly Father loves me. He loves all of us, each and every one, righteous or unrighteous. If there is anything to hold onto in this world it is that. If you doubt it, pray to know if He loves you. He will answer you. His love for you is eternal as is His perspective of our lives now.